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29 August 2008 @ 08:48 pm
September Prompt - Impossible  

It is impossible for me to watch Michael with Brian any longer. I simply can’t do it. I can’t watch the man I love be torn between two people that he loves. And watching him look up at Brian with adoration in his eyes tears my heart in half. I can’t be angry at him. I always say you can’t help the way you feel. And while that may be true, it doesn’t make packing my clothes to move out any easier. There simply is no other way out. I don’t know how long I have. And while I hate to think like that, it is a very real predicament for me. I am unsure of my time left here with people. I want to surround myself with those who I love and who love me back. I am sure that Michael loves me, there’s very little doubt in my head. I just wonder if there’s any reasoning behind me trying to make him love Brian less. He’s devoted, loyal, loving, caring, and especially wonderful. But I can’t make him not love Brian. It is the impossible feat. I have to go. There’s no justification behind me pulling him away from his best friend for God only knows how long. And even if I tried, there’s no guarantee I really could. Brian’s hold on Michael is stronger than anything I have ever seen before.

I pause, zipping the suitcase on the bed and look down at the nightstand - my book on one side, his comics on the other - leaving may be just as impossible a task as staying, I realize.


 
 
 
michele659: bjarmkissmichele659 on August 30th, 2008 08:05 am (UTC)
Don't give up Ben! Michael is just holding onto a fantasy he's had since high school and he's having trouble letting go. But he will realize that he has a grown up love that is much more real than his fantasy now. Someone who'll make him very happy. In fact, he's figuring that out right now.(That person is you,Ben!)
Also, Brian is in love with Justin-even if he can't admit it. He's also just holding onto a familiar fantasy that was comforting to him at one time. That fantasy of someone who'll always love him and be there. But he has that now in reality with Justin,so don't worry!

I really liked this. It really showed Ben's feelings during that time.I'm glad that he didn't give up. It's good that he realized that it would be impossible for him to leave after all.
profzenbenprofzenben on August 30th, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)
I'm glad you liked it. And it would have been impossible to leave him! Especially because as much as it probably bothered him to see the way Michael looked up at Brian, I am more than sure the way that Michael looks up at Ben himself has to make his heart melt. There's a lot of power behind Michael's brown eyes! :)